"it's over, momma"

Bellamy's had enough... of nursing.
just over a week ago i realized it was over.
too quickly.
for Asa, it was enough for me to cut dairy out of my diet and at 10 months, when my supply went down {because of pregnancy} i was able to supplement with soy formula just fine.
i'm convinced that, for Bellamy, it was more than just the allergy.
she literally screamed within minutes of nursing EVERY time.
i was determined to push through, because babies get generally more happy around 4-5 months regardless of circumstance.
but, unfortunately, things happened a little differently than i'd have hoped.
about the 4th night of our beach vacation, when Belle woke for nighttime feeding, she wouldn't even latch without screaming.  i stayed calm and continued to try... switched sides, stood up, layed back... anything!
this went on for about 30 minutes and the screaming just got louder {and i'll admit... i was flustered. maybe a bit more than flustered}.  
it was like she was getting wise... she knew a tummy ache was soon to follow and she wasn't having it.
i decided to give in and TEARFULLY make a bottle... try again later.
the next 4 days looked just about the same as my milk slowly dried up.
now, she's exclusively bottle fed.

over the past week, if i think about it too hard, i cry.
i'm learning not to beat myself up over it.  it was out of my hands and when are babies EVER predictable.  
i'm trying to find the positive...
aside from the fact that she's SO much happier, 
i don't have to think about what i'm wearing every day, 
anyone can feed her {although i still love being the one to do it}, 
she actually takes a bottle {Asa didn't til he was 9 months} so we can leave her with a sitter with a little less anxiety.
so there it is.  i'm rolling with it.  and loving on my happy, healthy baby girl.
and although that sweet connection was little more shortlived than my heart desired, there'll still be plenty of squeezes and snuggles...

1 comment:

  1. aww mama. i'm sorry to hear that, but i'm proud of you for looking at the bright side. I know that must be hard! Such a sweet girl and you will definitely get lots of sweet snuggles and bonding time elsewhere!